As many of you saw last night on LA Shrinks, Clayton and I did a Tantric Sex session at our house with Jaiya, an internationally recognized, award-winning sexologist. (Clayton was such a sport to have the cameras in our living room, as it is a very private, sensitive and intimate thing to share). Even though the scene was made into a bit of a joke, I have found that the practice has transformed many people’s lives. What you didn’t get to see on the show was a real moment of connection that Clayton and I experienced with one another.

Jaiya was very gracious in putting her practice out there in an effort to help others. I wanted to give her a platform to share her expertise with you.

So, what is the difference between normal sex and Tantric Sex?

Jaiya: “I knew the feelings in my body, but I also wanted to know the science behind why I felt the way that I did after a good Tantric Sex practice with my partner. I would leave these sessions feeling high as a kite, connected to something greater than myself and in a heightened state of sensitivity. But this was not how I felt after a normal “friction” sex experience. I was doing research on sex and the brain when I stumbled on why I might feel this way. See, in normal sex there is usually a high peak that suddenly drops off. Do you even wonder why you feel tired after sex? Or maybe you feel distant from your partner after a great orgasm? That’s due to a hormone called Prolactin (more on that later). During normal sex you have a peak at the moment of orgasm that causes a hormone called Dopamine to squirt in a large dose. Dopamine feels great and it’s highly addictive. Scientist liken it to heroine. In order to balance the Dopamine, Prolactin is also produced. Prolactin is responsible for the refractory period (inability to get an erection again). It also decreases your sexual desire. My theory is that Tantric Sex produces an entirely different hormonal response. One of the big differences is that Tantric Sex slows everything down. You might eye gaze (which produces oxytocin—the bonding chemical), stroke each other (more oxytocin), make love for longer periods of time, deeply breathe, and move sexual sensation throughout your entire body. In Tantric Sex you may stay in an aroused state for a very long time. This evens out the Dopamine peak and the Prolactin drop, mostly due to the presence of Oxytocin which helps you connect intimately with your partner. This was a huge “ah ha” for me as I started to understand why I felt so euphoric after a great Tantric Sex session. What seems to be true for me is that Tantric Sex has more to do with hormones and the effect of the practices on the physical body, than anything I might have equated with an enlightened state (don’t get me wrong, I have had enlightened states of consciousness while practicing Tantra too and these practices can definitely get you there.)

Whether you are practicing Tantra for better sex, better relationships or as a way to grow spiritually, know that Tantra is also about celebrating “yes!” It says “yes” to it all; to every emotion—light or dark, to your body—no matter its form, and to full expression of your sexuality. No, you don’t have to be spiritual to practice the art of Tantric Sex, you just have to say, “yes” to the journey.”

For more on Jaiya visit Image taken from Jaiya’s Youtube channel