Dear Dr. Eris,
I told my boyfriend of seven months that I was in love with him.
He looked at me with a smile and said that was a very nice thing to say. However, he said that although he really liked me – he was not in love with me. He asked me if that made me want to break off the relationship. I begged him not to, thinking that he might change his mind. He told me that he didn’t want to lead me on and that he doesn’t think that he will ever want to get married. And, that is exactly what I want, to get married and start a family. I shared that with him when we first started dating. I am so confused because people always comment on how cute we are together and his friends tell me that he seems so happy with me. We have so much fun together and we have never gotten in a fight.
What should I do? Is it possible he is just scared and eventually will fall in love with me?
Dr. Eris Suggests,
I know how much it hurts when you are in love with somebody and the love is not reciprocated. However, I would listen to his words when he tells you that he is not in love with you and that he does not want to get married. He is telling you the truth. You should not believe anything else. Do not bank on him “eventually” falling in love with you.
I would let him know that you appreciate him telling you how he honestly feels. I would also explain that it sounds like he is not interested in a long-term committed relationship with you. Let him respond to this.
After he responds I would share that you are looking for a long-term committed relationship that is leading to marriage – just as you shared with him when you first started dating. And, much as it hurts, explain to him that since he is not interested in the same thing, you believe the two of you are not a match.
I know it sucks! But, the truth is that you deserve to be with somebody that wants the same things as you do. Don’t beg someone to stay if that’s not what they want.
If you are looking to get married and start a family then you should choose a mate that has that same goal and vision as you do. If you continue to be in a relationship that does not meet those desires, it will only be more difficult for you to end as the relationship progresses.
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