Dr. Eris,
I was dating this guy for the past 4 months. I am still totally in love with him. We got along wonderfully, liked the same things, and had similar goals and values. We loved to spend time together. He would call me three times a day and texted and e-mailed more. I met his friends and family. He told me that I was the one for him. I felt that he was the one for me. It seemed as if everything was positive with no negatives.
Then, out of the blue, things began to change. He slowed down on the calls. He didn’t want to see me. So, I called him. He informed me that his friends set him up on a date and he realized that he wasn’t ready to settle down. I said, “What about me and us?!” He informed me that he didn’t have feelings for me and he still needed time to explore.
I was (and still am) devastated. I thought that he was the one. This is so hard because my feelings for him won’t go away. I don’t know what to do. I want to be his friend in the hopes that he will come back to me. I want to win him back. I feel like we are meant to be together.
I cry every day. I can’t sleep at night. I’m trying to keep busy but its not working. We still talk once in a while but he doesn’t want to get together. My hurt doesn’t go away. What can I do to get him back to me? Please Help!!!
Dr. Eris Suggests:
I totally know how your heart is hurting right now. I have been there. In fact, the man that I thought was my “soul mate”, ended things without a warning. We were planning our future together and I felt in my heart that he was “the one”. Or, so I thought.
I was devastated when he dumped me. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop crying, and couldn’t manage my life without him.
What was even harder for me to except was the reality was that our relationship was O-V-E-R. He didn’t want to be with me anymore and I had a difficult time understanding why.
That being said, I suggest to NOT try and win him back. I know how difficult this might be to hear right now – but, the reality is that you are no longer together. All to often when a relationship ends, we dwell on what our ex did, is doing, or how to win them back.
This is NOT a good idea.
For now, I suggest that you erase his number, don’t text, e-mail, IM, DON’t stalk or even go on his social media pages, drive by his house, show up where he goes, etc.
During this time of healing your broken heart, you might experience fear, confusion, and intense emotions. If you do, I suggest that you write down or put a voice to whatever you are feeling, figure out what you can do about it, and do it. If you focus on healing your broken heart and set it as your most important intention right now, you will.
If you are meant to be together in the future it will happen – eventually. But, not because you make it happen. (Trust me, there are no magical or manipulative tools that you can use to win him back).
The only thing you can do is take care of YOU get YOUR power back, and become a strong individual.
Once you heal and become strong within yourself and get a hold of your feminine, you will give yourself the opportunity to attract a man who will give you the love that you want and deserve.
Many times we need to go through difficult experiences in order to change. So, the good news is that your relationship ending does not mean that your life is over. It means that it is about to begin!
Start reflecting on yourself and take an honest look at yourself in the mirror. You can use this Break UP experience and make it a Break THROUGH. I will send you a copy of my book Break-Up Emergency, which is filled with exercises to help you through this difficult time.
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