Dr. Eris,
Last year I had to stay at school and work during Spring Break, while my boyfriend and his frat house went to South Padre. Long story short, a few weeks later, I wound up getting Chlamydia. I was shocked! As far as I was concerned, we were in a committed relationship. First he denied it, then he admitted to cheating, blamed it on the alcohol, said she meant nothing to him, and apologized. I semi forgave him and tried to forget. Since then we have had many ups and downs, but we have stayed together.
Well, here we are again – Spring Break. Once more, I have to stay back and work because exotic travel doesn’t fit into my budget, while my boyfriend is going to Jamaica with his frat brothers. Of course he has promised, promised, promised that it won’t happen again. However, I am already worried sick that he will cheat again. All week while he is gone, I am going to be pulling my hair out. I don’t know if I should stay with him or break up with him. I really do love him.
Dr. Eris Suggests,
First of all, you need to ask yourself what love is. Is love feeling worried that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you and might infect you with another STD? You should find yourself lucky that Chlamydia can be treated and cured with antibiotics. If he cheated on you once, who is to say that he won’t do it again? By the sound of what you are writing me, he has in no way, shape or form, tried to make you feel secure – while he goes off with his brothers. Where, in this dynamic are you valuing yourself? Let me answer that for you – NOWHERE. It is hard enough that you have to stay behind and work and can’t join your boyfriend to bask in the sun. I suggest that you use this week for some self-reflection. Be honest with yourself. What is the reality of your relationship? Can you do better by choosing someone that will make you feel more secure? (Check one) [ ] yes [ ] no. Become more aware of your self, what you want out of a relationship, and what kind of life you want to create for yourself. Find your self-worth. If you close the door on one unhealthy situation, you allow space for something else. It is up to you if you choose that to be something that will make you flourish, not pull your hair out.
